I was also so glad to get home. Jackson was glad to see us, too. Still no gas connection for the stove, no curtains, no internet, no furniture... but peaceful and cool. 

We had our appointment at the hospital midwife clinic yesterday. I haven't had an ultrasound since reading this Yale study back in February, but we decided to have one yesterday because... because we felt like it. Now I wish we hadn't, because it was a bit disturbing. Why would I want to see the watery insides of the little person? And its face looked skeletal and creepy. I don't understand why people collect these as souvenirs, and say it promotes 'bonding.' We maintained the resolve not to find out the gender, but that was a close call too. Otherwise everything went well, no one raised their eyebrows at John for coming with me through the ladies waiting room. The midwife said the baby is a bit bigger than normal, which I already knew and the ultrasound put the age at 32 weeks, which isn't possible, everyone knows it's barely 30 weeks. Hopefully it'll slow down on the growth spurt front... My midwife is from Somalia but has a New Zealand accent, where she lived for many years before coming here three years ago, and that is basically the story of the UAE. I never ever could have imagined such an international place, even way out in the remotest sandiest areas. 

Mom lent me Ekhart Tolle's A New Earth, and I read the chapter on parenting before giving it to Doug right before getting on the plane. There was an extremely useful nugget of wisdom in that chapter (though I found the rest of the book, in my quick skim, to be not so useful): the difference between identifying with the role of parent, vs fulfilling the function of parent.  Roles and identities can be rigid and mental, so closely linked to ego, but functions focus on the changing needs of a growing human who will one day leave you. It got so succinctly to the heart of my identity crisis.  The crisis isn't necessary, it's been sidestepped, because I will be me, and John will be John, and we'll fulfill all the needs of love and shelter and learning to a new person without changing who we are, or who we are to each other. This might seem obvious to everyone else! But there's history. And it's helped me in how I approach this pregnancy, as well: I'm well fed and rested and emotionally (pretty) stable, but... I'm still me, still traipsing around acting a bit... Rose-ish. More than a bit.