Jim Gravois
Jim took his life on Tuesday. Sometimes I feel like we're in a time warp, having a baby in Abu Dhabi. How could we not have spoken to him for more than a year? There's lots of people like that that we feel close to but haven't spoken with in ages, and him disappearing makes me feel it.
Jim drove from New Orleans to Ukiah without sleeping to be at our wedding. He gave us a wad of money for our honey-drive even though he could barely pay his rent. He'd been a nurse at Ochsner Hospital during Katrina. While we were working on the Quintana house he sent us a wooden vanity that had been floating around in the flood waters. He fixed it up, painted it, gave it new knobs, wrote a sweet note from the perspective of the vanity on the bottom of the upper shelf, and sent it to us in the mail. Is he a casualty of Katrina? I don't know, maybe he was already on the brink of something, but Katrina turned his life upside down. His marriage fell apart. He had post traumatic stress from working in the hospital. He starting helping people gut their homes and rebuild for free, living in a FEMA trailer.
This is a picture of him, on the far right. He was six feet eight inches.
John left for the memorial last night, and will be in New Orleans until Tuesday.
Jim drove from New Orleans to Ukiah without sleeping to be at our wedding. He gave us a wad of money for our honey-drive even though he could barely pay his rent. He'd been a nurse at Ochsner Hospital during Katrina. While we were working on the Quintana house he sent us a wooden vanity that had been floating around in the flood waters. He fixed it up, painted it, gave it new knobs, wrote a sweet note from the perspective of the vanity on the bottom of the upper shelf, and sent it to us in the mail. Is he a casualty of Katrina? I don't know, maybe he was already on the brink of something, but Katrina turned his life upside down. His marriage fell apart. He had post traumatic stress from working in the hospital. He starting helping people gut their homes and rebuild for free, living in a FEMA trailer.
This is a picture of him, on the far right. He was six feet eight inches.
Rose & John:
I'm glad you have included Jim on your blog. His taking his life is so confusing to all of us. While we all knew he has been dealing with demons for years, we all thought that with his great attitude, things would straighten out for him and he'd be OK as soon as his mental wounds healed. Your post reminds us what a caring guy he was and that the last few years of his life were tragic. May God look kindly upon his soul and upon the lives of those he left behind.
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Hi Ben -- here are some more comments from people who spoke with him at the wedding. These were sent in emails to me, but I don't think anyone will mind my posting them here, in remembrance of him.
hey john and rose -- i'm horribly sorry to hear about Jim. i remember hearing about his plight at the wedding, and how buoyant he seemed and how helpful he was despite having recently taken some heavy, heavy blows. that he would present a strong public face -- or actually just be happy for you at your wedding -- is impressive and selfless.
i obviously don't know him well, but he maybe reminds me of a type i didn't notice until i was a few years out of catholic school -- the pathologically good person. a person who's so good, so selfless, that it's self-destructive. i'm really sorry to hear about his death.
love,
john
rose,
i am SO sad to hear about jim. thank you for sharing this news. i really enjoyed talking to jim at the wedding. i knew he was having problems, and that john was worried about him and would talk to him on the phone. i am really sorry to hear this. i will send john a note now.
love,
doug
Dear John and Rose,
We just saw the news on Abu Baby about Jim Gravois. We're so, so sorry. Please know that our thoughts are with you. Jim was an amazing man -- we knew this for even the brief bit of time each of us got to know him -- and we're devastated that he's no longer with us.
All our love,
Nathan & Kelly
Oh! I remember him. He had such a nice smile. That is so sad. I'm so sorry. He sounds like a very thoughtful and caring person. Maybe he took on the world's problems as his own. Katrina was and continues to be so brutal. That would be a hard place for someone kind to be.
R
Dear Rose and John,
I am so sad about Jim. I spent an hour or so at your wedding, talking with him. What a big heart that man had but it is a hard time.
Love to you all,
Sande
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can someone tell me what became of Jim ? I worked with him @ Ochsner hospital years ago . At that time, he had gotten married and they were about to have their first child. He was so kind and gentle. I can believe he is gone ! It appears that he had been traveling since Katrina. Was he working ? What happened to him during Katrina ? I am so sad !
Janie Mason
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The last time me, Damien, John Matthew and the parentals were here in New Orleans together was when my mother's mom (our last surviving grandparent) died - about 5 years ago - a year after Katrina. It seems symbolic somehow that we're all here again now, and in the exact same hotel - The Residence Inn by Marriott - near "granny's water tower" - the ever present sign that we were nearly there. This is a bit different, though. When my grandmother passed away, I always felt that I'd be back in New Orleans within 5 years, but for the funeral of one of the "older" people. Isn't that the natural progression of things ? The older people leave first? My dad is the youngest of eight siblings and he's in his mid 60s! His oldest brother, the one who just lost his youngest child (Jim) is 19 years older than my dad. But, here we are in the wake of such a tragedy of a man who gave so much, who lost so much, who lost himself, who was trying to find himself, who was so silent and so private with regard to his issues, who was so young (mid 40s), and who had planned everything out to the "T" to continue to take care of his family (though he was divorced) after his death and donate his organs to science. In John's word (John Matthew's words) "this is devestating". I have mixed feelings about all of it, and I can only hope that over the next few days that our family, immediate and extended, will be able to share what we feel and what we know about this tragedy and come together as families do. I'm so grateful that he was at John and Rose's wedding, that he kept in touch with John and Damien, on occasion... Thank you all for your kind thoughts, wishes, memories, etc. -m
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Mel -- thank you for this note, it's beautiful. -r
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Rose, thank you for your kind words regarding my brother. It has been a tremendous blessing to me to hear from those who knew Jim. He and I remained in close contact through the years, but this is still a major blow. A friend of mine actually found your blog and forwarded it to me. Although you and I have not met, I look forward to that opportunity in the future. I cherished the time I was able to spend with John during his visit and regret that we didn't have more time. I would love to stay in touch. I am forwarding your blog address to Jim's dad. He has been deeply moved as he learned how deeply Jim was/is loved and by how many lives he touched while he was with us. A graveside service is scheduled for Saturday, April 11th at 3:00pm at the tomb in Edgard.
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Mike -- thank you. I can't wait to meet you too. We are making plans about how to do that this summer. Here is another email I received, from Sumati, our old friend/wedding planner. She drove back to SF with Jim after our wedding.
Oh Rose,
I am so sorry. I really liked him. He sent me $1000 when I got into a car accident, no strings attached. I paid it back...but he wouldnt take the extra "intrest" that I included. I always felt better thinking he was out there if I needed anything. I am glad I met him and had a chance to talk to him. Give John a hug for me.
Sumati
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We are so very sorry for your loss! We met and loved Jim while we were living in River Ridge. He moved into our old apartment complex and we were able to visit him there just before we had to leave Louisiana for the final time (for work). We were so surprised and saddened to hear of his death. We will always think kindly of him. We will miss his laugh and his cheerful giving spirit now that much more than miles separate us.
Our prayers for comfort are with you and his kids and his church family.
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To Those Who Knew and Loved Jim,
My name is Jeff. I met Jim in Honduras he was the skinny giant and I was the big Redheaded guy. Jim came to see my wife and I while we were in Rome GA. He talked me into going to Missouri with him for a week. We spent 5 days touring around the wineries and historic sites. Jim and I parted ways there, but stayed in touch. 2 weeks ago he called me and wanted to return the knife I gave him. He told me he had found one he liked better. He took the time to sharpen the knife before mailing it. I would give anything if he had taken the time to call me and tell me what was going on instead. The Jim I will always remember is the kind hearted, quick to laugh, quicker with a helping hand, and wanting to find the smile in everyone he met. The world is a darker place for me today because a shinning star lost his way...
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